Farewell Nick
by SylvieT
Summary: Spoiler for season 9. This story between Nick and Grissom takes place towards to end of episode 909 "19 down".


**One more story highlighting Grissom's journey towards his departure. **

**The story takes place towards the end of episode 909, "19 down" after Grissom receives the call from Langston about serial killer Nathan Haskell and before they get to the desert in the final scene of the episode. **

**I hope that TPTB include a farewell scene between Grissom and Nick before the former leaves but I'm not too sure that they will. It would be very nice though and this is how I would like it to go.**

**You may feel that I've written Grissom out of character and normally I would agree but with all the changes he's been through so far this season and his kind words to Dave Philips and Wendy, well, I don't think I'm too far out.**

**Anyway, please, read and review with both positive and negative comments.**

**Oh! And also what Sara is supposed to have said to Nick, I used some poetic licence there, sorry! Well, she could have done, couldn't she!**

It had been a hard double shift; he looked at his watch, eighteen hours since he'd last slept. Ever since Grissom's announcement and the development of the case of the Dick and Jane Killer, he hadn't had a moment to breathe. They had done as much as they could to identify Haskell's accomplice but were once more at a dead end.

He was truly exhausted and was looking forward to catching a few hours sleep until he would come in again. He'd just wished Greg good night, Catherine had left a couple of hours previously, and he wasn't sure about Riley. Yet again, as had been the case too many times recently, he was the last one to leave - well obviously apart from Grissom.

Since Warrick's death, he had spent more and more time at work, longer shifts to keep his mind busy and not spend so much time dwelling on the past but also because his private life seemed to have fallen on the quiet side, apart from the occasional drinks or breakfasts with the team.

Needless to say, they had never made breakfast at Frank's that morning to celebrate Greg's promotion. He was pleased for his friend, it was long overdue. Greg was developing into a fine CSI, he would have to remember to tell him so, he'd had to toughen up quickly after the Demetrius James's case and the subsequent lawsuit; long gone was the young nerdy DNA tech they first knew. So much had happened since then.

But first, he was going to take a hot, steaming shower to wash away the day's grime and wind down with a beer. This new case was unsettling him to say the least, the crimes were grim and the lack of meaningful evidence maddening but truth be told, he knew that wasn't what was really bothering him.

Grissom was leaving.

When Grissom had announced his departure from the lab while giving out assignments, Nick had been frozen in shock. At first, he had appeared indifferent but in reality, he had been so astounded by the news that he hadn't been able to react. Over the last six months or so, he had become very adept at keeping his emotions to himself, bottling everything up; he was like a pressure cooker ever since that 'situation' in the woods with McKeen. God, had he scared himself that day!

How did he feel about Grissom leaving? Hell, he didn't know! _Damn!_ _Why does everyone have to bail out on me? Sara first, then Warrick and now Grissom_.

He slammed his locker door shut with so much force that it sprung open again almost catching him in the face. He was so torn up inside, his anger was threatening to boil over but he wouldn't let himself be weak and show what he felt. Oh no! He'd done too much of that in the past and where had that got him?

Before Warrick's death, he wouldn't have cared. He was someone who _showed_ his emotions. That's who he was. That Nick was gone though. He sniggered sadly. _The old Nick was a joke_. Wasn't it Sara that had once told him that he wore his heart on his sleeve? She had meant it in a good way, of course. _Sara, _he thought with a sad smile_, she was just the same, and look where that got her!_

His train of thought was suddenly interrupted by the remnants of a one-sided conversation he could hear coming from just outside the locker room:

"OK, Jim" he heard his boss say hurriedly into his phone "I think Nick's still around, I'll grab him and we'll meet you at PD… Yeah, yeah…Give us ten minutes."

Grissom then quickly came into the locker room calling out:

"Nicky! Good, you're still here, get your kit. Langston has heard from Haskell who's divulged the location of Joel Steiner's body. I've spoken to Brass and he's putting together a response team, we're going out to the desert."

"All right, Grissom." He said with a sigh. "Give me a few minutes to get my stuff. I'll meet you in the parking lot."

With that Grissom was gone.

Moments later, Nick got to Grissom's Denali, put his gear in the back and got in. Engine already idling, Grissom didn't hang about, put the car in drive and sped off in silence. They soon got to PD where Brass and his convoy of cars were waiting. They quickly joined them and were on their way.

"Where are we headed exactly, Griss?" Nick asked after a while as they were leaving the city limits.

"Somewhere off Boulder Highway and Hasbrouck near the railway line."

"What got Haskell talking?"

"Joel's mother came in to Langston's class demanding to know where her son was. Looks like Haskell had a change of heart."

Nick just nodded his head looking ahead in the distance, eyes barely focusing on the squad cars' flashing lights in front. Grissom, on the other hand, was concentrating hard on the road and on trying to keep up with Jim, hands firmly gripping the steering wheel.

Neither man spoke again, lost in thought. One was thinking about the case and what they would find when they got there, if they indeed found anything at all and the other man's thoughts were on his boss's departure.

"I sure didn't see it coming." Nick muttered under his breath after a while, still not looking at Grissom.

There was a trace of bitterness and sadness in his voice which he didn't even attempt to disguise for he was feeling very let down. He had always regarded Grissom as more than a mentor, or a teacher, a constant in his life. He viewed him more as a surrogate father, someone whose approval he'd always sought; someone he'd always wanted to make proud. _Have I ever succeeded?_

Grissom instinctively knew that Nick was not referring to the case, and moved by the sadness in the younger man's voice he said tentatively:

"I…I've been thinking about it for a while now. I feel it's the right time to move on. I need to do this."

But Nick was not listening and not hearing that Grissom had responded, carried on talking:

"Cos, you know, last time, when you went on sabbatical, I thought you were leaving, you know, for good, you'd been showing the signs then…but, this time, well, maybe I've been too busy with my own stuff… I don't know…" his voice failed him.

Grissom had no words for Nick.

After a short time, Nick carried on hesitantly.

"What are you going to do? Are you going to leave Vegas? Teach? Go to another lab? " he asked more directly this time, turning his head to look at Grissom to try to catch a glimpse of what the man was thinking.

"I don't know yet," he said with a shake of his head, still looking at the road. _Come on Gil tell him, now's your chance. _ "I've not thought that far ahead. All I know is that since I've made my decision, I've been happier, I've something to look forward to." He continued, giving Nick a shy smile.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Grissom rubbed his eyes, returning his gaze to the road, "I'm going to take some time out, go and see the world. I'm thinking maybe do some fly-fishing or something…"

"Seriously? asked Nick in disbelief. "Fly-fishing? I didn't know you even owned a rod."

"I don't, Nicky." Grissom said with a chuckle.

"Once a bug man, always a bug man, hey?"

Grissom quirked an eyebrow and laughed out loud. He hadn't been called that in a long time.

Nick had to agree that now they were talking about it, Grissom seemed to be relishing the prospect; he had the relaxed look of someone who had a huge weight lifted off his shoulders.

Grissom gave him a sideway glance not knowing whether now was the right time to say what he needed to say to Nick before he left. But Nick was smiling now, remembering the time he and Warrick had gone to Lake Mead on a fishing expedition only to come home empty-handed. They'd had a good laugh about it at the time and promised to do it again sometime.

Seeing Nick happier, he mustered some courage. He was aware that he had never been good at this, sharing his thoughts with others didn't come naturally to him but hadn't he vowed to turn a new leaf, to make more of an effort, to change?

"Listen, Nick" he continued, distractedly stoking his beard with his right hand,_ it's going to need trimming before I go_ he thought;"you've still got Catherine and Greg. I want you to carry on looking out for them, you know, when I'm gone. You're going to be their rock now. Catherine will need your support with work, be a good friend and mentor to Greg and Riley, teach them what you know…"

Nick nodded wearily. "I will, don't worry."

"I've never been good with putting my feelings into words, you know that, Nicky, and I want you to know that … well, you've grown to be an outstanding CSI…"

Nick suddenly turned towards Grissom shocked by what he'd just heard.

"Let me finish, please. You have a quality which has always eluded me. You feel something for the victims- which if I'm honest, I don't understand; I've come to realise that your…" Grissom let go of the steering wheel gesturing with his right hand, searching for the correct words "your empathy is what defines _you_ as a great CSI. Over time, you've learnt to use it to your advantage, as well as using your forensic skills. Your search for the truth is born out of a need to help the victims and their families to find answers, closure. With you, it's more than just another case, a puzzle..."

He paused for a second, thought about his next words carefully and decided to continue with his train of thoughts:

"Sara, she had…has that same quality but she wasn't able to distance herself enough...not like you've been able to do."

Nick was taken aback. He had always believed that Grissom thought that that was his weakness not strength and said so to his boss who went on:

"I know that I've been hard on you sometimes, maybe harder on you than on the others but you've come through a better, more rounded criminalist. I don't think you know this but…" Grissom hesitated before carrying on "you know the message you recorded when you were…when Walter Gordon took you, I was in the A/V lab watching when…"

It's as if a light bulb had suddenly lit up in Nick's mind as Grissom's words sunk in.

"You read my lips?"

Grissom nodded, slightly turning his head in Nick's direction smiling shyly. "I want you to know that you've _never_ disappointed me."

"I wish I had known that, Grissom, I wish you had told me" Nick whispered. "You know, I always felt that you were closer to Warrick and Sara but it didn't matter to me, I always looked up to you, strived for your approval."

Grissom could only nod his understanding.

"I'm very proud of you, Nicky and I'm very sorry if you don't know that already."

Nick became silent registering what his boss had just said.

_He's really leaving,_ he thought with a shake of his head.

They were getting nearer their destination now and Nick knew that if he didn't say what he had in mind, he would never get the chance again.

"You know you've always been more than a boss to me…almost like a second father. You remind me a lot of him, you kept me on the straight and narrow like him, helped me become who I am…"

"Thank you." Grissom said softly with a warm smile for he was very surprised and touched by the compliment.

Nick nodded. Cars were starting to slow down now; they heard Brass's crackling voice over the radio telling everyone that they had almost arrived at their destination.

"Anyways, Griss, I wish you the best of luck" Nick added wanting to give the man a hug. "I hope you find what you're looking for."

_Me too, Nicky, me too _thought Grissom_. _

"And take good care of her when you do, she's worth it."

Nick's last words were left unanswered, squad cars pulling just off the highway, blue lights flashing, on another stretch of desert so very reminiscent of past crimes and rescues. Nick couldn't even be sure that Grissom had heard his last comment for the latter was already out of the car flashlight in hand.

**Thanks for reading and please, don't forget to review.**


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